


know me here

by HiddenEye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, M/M, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Season/Series 04 Spoilers, more sheith hugs why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 17:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12370155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenEye/pseuds/HiddenEye
Summary: Now, merely an hour before their interrogation with the Galra Empire's estranged prince, they’re arguing over a sacrificial act that should be expected from a soldier.The thought makes bile rise up again.“Voltron would be able to get to you by then, we were close enough to be in firing range and would’ve shot the ship from long distance.”“Why didn’t you?”





	know me here

“You should have told me.”

An unstable star won't leave the same kind of fear rattling in his body, disturbing what's left of his inner peace Shiro tries so hard to protect from the monsters howling outside its cage, their blackened claws slashing at him through the high bars of tarnished gold.

His own doomed fate hasn't leave him this breathless, as if cold barbells latches onto his bones with intent of making him kneel in defeat, of giving up; it's seeing their grey exterior slathered with the meaning of helplessness in bright red paint while they pull him down and under, threatening to burst through his ground of control.

It's excessive gravity all over again, thick tendrils wrapping a vice grip around his neck and chest, denying him of air to breathe.

“You should have told me of what you were going to do when none of your firepower were any help,” Shiro says with none of the turmoil thundering in his heart and mind; the knowledge of discovering his teammate’s latest stunt makes the beginnings of hysteria crawl up his throat, and it takes most of his self-control to smooth out the tangles in order to avoid getting choked on it. “I - _we_ could have help you with another alternative, Keith.”

Sometimes, when he’s at the very end of his lowest point, his hatred for the war all of them have been pushed into would burn brighter and hotter than the sun itself. It's having these dark thoughts of knowing how they've been cornered to a responsibility they shouldn't have to face in the first place, gambling their lives for the sake of putting down an entire squadron of fighters attempting to ruin what hard work they've done in form of damage control.

He would seethe deep down in his charred soul and have quick burst of urges to bury his fist into walls, and instead prefer to take out his anger onto the training regimen rather than accidentally hurt someone else, whether with hits or his own sharp tongue.

Sometimes, Shiro feels like he's fourteen again with scrapped knees and bloodied noses, until he's forced to train all of that energy into doing something else.

Those are the thoughts he keeps to himself and out of the possible prodding hands. They don’t need to know how selfish and bitter he would become when left to his own devices, his own layer of lava shimmering under his flesh until he’s forced to flush everything out of his system through brute force alone.

But now, he sits on the floor of the training deck with hair and shirt sticking to his skin, belittled by his own emotions. The glaring metaphor causes something inside his mind to wheeze out incredulously at the very notion of being useless, but he ignores it in favour of diverting all of his attention to the man currently battling with the gladiator.

The screech of a luxcite sword is his temporary answer as Keith parries an incoming swing of a mace, pushing his weight onto the bot with both hands while having his lips pulled back into a sneer.

Shiro lets his eyes flicker towards the gladiator, noticing the Blade’s sigma on its chest.

They want to train Keith better, to make him explore the other half of his heritage by being stronger and faster. He insists, from what Shiro hears; he wants to join an organisation he believes to be the key to unlock what he should know.

What he _wants_ to know. The past to a mother he never met, perhaps.

“Was there any other choice?” Keith grits out through gnashed teeth, his arms shaking from the strain as the gladiator steadily pushes more onto him.

“There’s always another choice,” snapping is an effort to resist, and this type of denial is rarely ever exposed openly when it comes to anything between them. This, to his disappointment, won't be their last. “Especially when it has anything to do with people's _lives_.”

Keith opens his mouth to bite back a reply, but his footing slips a centimetre to the right and the weight becomes unbearable for him to hold. He quickly jerks to the side and lets the massive weapon drop to the same spot he stands a second ago, pushing the gladiator to its knees from the heavy weight.

Without wasting anymore time, Keith whips his sword up and slashes through its neck with one clean swipe, the sound echoing throughout the mostly empty room.

Shiro follows the way the head falls from its shoulders and bounces off its knee, and looks up when Keith begins to speak.

“I tried to _save_ their lives,” Keith viciously wipes his face with a tug of his shirt, his tone obviously tainting with frustration. “The only other option in making sure the forcefield dropped was to use a high energy-efficient impact -”

“You're not on the list,” Shiro barks, his hand squeezing around the mostly empty water pouch in reflex, the remaining of it squirting out of the straw and onto his pants. “We could have helped you, _Voltron_ could have helped you. Jumping headfirst into fire -”

“Is the _only_ thing I could do when we lost a quarter third of men with a single laser beam!” He swings the tip of the sword towards the closed door, face contracting with anger. “We wouldn’t be here if Lotor hadn't decided to drop in and take that ship out himself. Voltron wasn't fast enough, we were losing fighters. How else would we be able to make sure _galaxies_ weren’t obliterated if he hadn't decided to take that shot? If I hadn't made that decision beforehand?”

It takes another mouth for Shiro to find out what Keith has done. A day after they've send Lotor to a cell for the time being, contemplating to trust him or dispose of him, before Shiro feels the ground is pulled sharply under him and all air leaves form his body.

Keith makes it seem as if he's been strolling in the park.

Now, merely an hour before their interrogation with the Galra Empire's estranged prince, they’re arguing over a sacrificial act that should be expected from a soldier.

The thought makes bile rise up again.

“Voltron would be able to get to you by then, we were close enough to be in firing range and would’ve shot the ship from long distance.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He only watches the way Keith stalks towards him without himself noticing, and Shiro’s able to see one side of the scar peeking out of the collar of his shirt.

That alone brings memories he’s not fond of.

Shiro rolls his jaw, evenly meeting the burn of his glare. “We were interrupted.”

“We were _saved,_  Shiro. There's a big difference in that.”

He's being childish and making excuses, Shiro knows this is just him not being able to come clean with what's been holding him back since he first realises the depth of what he truly feels.

Even now, when their friendship is at stake, he can’t find himself to admit it.

 _Coward._ _Fraud._

“You could have _died_ , Keith. When I said to not jeopardise in the expense of the team, you're included in that factor too. _You're_ part of the team.”

Shiro can't bring himself to even think of the possibility. People are wrong when they proclaim he's the living embodiment of peace and stability to the team when he can very much fall from the slightest poke. A lot of people fail to realise that he's been leaning against Keith's presence as a reassurance of what he has from earth - despite all the fights he's been through from his year in the cell and as a paladin, he still has Keith to look to when he thinks he's feeling alone.

It makes him restless if the foundation of his control isn’t there with him, and he hasn't known this fact until Keith and Allura shoots off together to avoid a possible tracker.

Now that Keith's away for more missions with the Blade, Shiro’s starting to feel antsy underneath all his armour, quietly drawing to himself more to prevent the team from noticing.

“I’m doing what's expected from me as a member of the Blade, Shiro,” Keith speaks flatly at this, a horrid attempt at smoothing out the tension sparking between them. “And you have no right to intervene that.”

Shiro doesn’t realise he’s taken action until he sees wide purple eyes staring back at him in shock. His left hand clutches onto Keith's wrist, allowing him to pull the man down until they’re on same eye level that causes Keith to bend awkwardly in half, while Shiro has tilt his head up in order to meet his look.

“Their morales are different from ours,” he hates how his voice shakes in the end, but he tightens his hold onto the wrist. “We're _human_ , Keith. We look out for each other as the next person, it's in our nature to make sure no one gets left behind.”

“You don't know the expectations they asked from me,” Keith growls, slapping his own hand over Shiro's, squeezing for him to let go. “They want me to become one of them, to live up the ways of the Blade -”

“You know more than I do that I'm the last person you’d want to talk about expectations,” Shiro reminds him, causing shame to flash past Keith’s face before it disappears just as quickly. “I know it’s hard, _you_ know how hard it was back at Garrison. But, it doesn’t mean you're worthless when you're different from them.”

“It was _my_ choice,” Keith snarls, leaning forward until his hair hangs over them. “This is _war_ , Shiro. You can't expect me to just stand back and do nothing when millions are at stake -”

“I know that!” At this point, Shiro’s already bounded to his feet and looming over Keith, clutching onto his arms with his own frustration boiling underneath, ready to burst from where they're standing so close to each other. “I _know_ the stakes of war, I know _what_ we're facing.”

He's being irrational, Shiro _knows_ how he’s only turning in circles to avoid what’s making him squirm in his own shoes.

“Then, you know what I had to do in order to save this universe,” Keith has his hands around his wrists, holding on as tightly as Shiro is with his arms. “It’s the only chance for me take make sure I'm actually doing something right this time. You _can't_ stop me from making amends.”

Something sharp impales into his sternum, digging deeper with every word that falls out his mouth.

“I can't allow you to make that kind of rash decision anymore,” Shiro watches the way Keith's eyes widen with surprise. “You can't -”

It takes a moment for Keith to snap back to attention. “ _Stop it_ ,” he hisses, latching onto his arms this time to shake some sense into him. “This shouldn't even be a problem in the first place! What's my life compared to the millions of innocents?”

“More than my own!” Shiro explodes; the truth, the damning truth has been spilled, and he swallows thickly when his control runs loose. It's a contrast to how he brings Keith closer until they're almost chest to chest, his whisper coming out far harsher than he intends. “More than you could ever realise.”

He feels Keith stiffen under his hold, hears the hitching breath from where they remain standing in the middle of the clearing. Raw disbelief gleaming so brightly in his eyes as all actions leave his body, making him stand dumbfoundedly in place.

Shiro inhales in a shuddering breath, head hanging low until strands of hair brushes against the crown of Keith’s head, raven black intermingling with shock white.

 _Fuck pride_ , he thinks bitterly. He peers at Keith again through the curtain of hair, and swallows down the ball at the guarded look he dons; all furrowed brows and pursed lips, his titanium walls slamming up high and tight.

It pains him to know he’s the cause of that.

“Dammit, Keith.” Shiro croaks out, refusing to bow in defeat. The truth rings shrilly between them, the confession a searing burn on his tongue. “I'm trying to make sure all the promises I made to myself wouldn’t just fall like a bunch of bricks here.”

Keith sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, the grip he has on Shiro’s arm falling to his side's like dead weight. “What the hell are you talking about?” His voice shudders slightly, as if he's afraid of what he wants to hear.

“I don't want you dead,” Shiro tells him bluntly, and that causes his jaw to tighten. He unlatches his grip from Keith’s arms, holding loosely onto his elbows instead. “I don’t want you to die. I’m trying to make sure I don't lose you _again_ -”

Keith shifts and he cuts himself off. When Shiro let's his eyes flickers around his face, he finally realises how there's little space between them. It's a forecast of how he's intruding into personal space without permission, surging headfirst into the thunder while having all rationale out of the window.

His self-restraint is in tatters, thinly sliced ribbons floating aimlessly with the current.

It's always been like this when it comes to Keith.

Withdrawing his hands, he digs his fingers into the meat of his palm as he lets them fall to his sides.

“Don't you dare make this about me, Shiro,” Keith says hoarsely, his face still tilting up to his with the same painful expression apparent. “You’ll drag both of us down. It’s going to eat us alive and follow us to the bottom of our graves if you keep up like this.”

Shiro let's out a huff of strained laughter. “I know.”

“Then, _stop_.” Keith reaches out to hold on his arm, eyes alight. “Trusting me with my choice is all I could ever ask from you in this, I need to know if what I'm doing isn’t something I'd regret.”

Shiro holds onto his look for a little longer, his nerves teetering on what's been offered to him.

For the greater good. They're only a part of the universe who's going to fight the war, but their impact is going to leave a large mark in history. Just like his decision on what he wants to do with this.

Keith is putting his heart out for him, just Shiro is currently doing to him.

“I'll always trust you,” Shiro says quietly. “Through every step of the way. There’s no doubt about that.”

Keith lets the corner of his lips quirk up. “Thank you.”

Shiro feels himself sag with relief at the words, and leans forward when Keith tugs him nearer until Shiro lets his face press into his shoulder, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist as an anchor - as reassurance.

This is what he's thankful of, with everything they've been through, this is what he hopes to get once everything is over.

“I can't promise you anything yet,” Keith says in a quiet tone, dragging his hands over his shoulders. “You have to know this.”

He can't promise his safety, nor anything that he can’t ignore.

Shiro swallows the grating ball down his throat, holding onto him tighter. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Season 4 was wild yo but we got another sheith hug!!! And Keith in his bom suit like wrow


End file.
